Do your sexuality and past sexual experiences create negative Karma and have an effect on your current relationships, health, and life success? I have been thinking about this topic intensely for the last few weeks and I share my personal story about how my sexuality and Karma affected each other at the end of this post. What I have learned through my research and exploration might shock you.
Yes, your sexuality and past sexual experiences do create Karma but it is not always “bad” Karma. The intention behind your past sexual acts with other people is what determines whether your Karma is good or bad. Were you using sex to take advantage of someone? If yes, then you created a lot of bad Karma for yourself. If it was consensual and mutually pleasurable, and you gave as much as you took in that sexual exchange, then you created good Karma or neutralized your previous Karmic debt with that person.
How Does Having Sex Create Karma?
Every single relationship you engage in creates Karma. It could also be that you’re in a new relationship because of the past Karma you have with someone. This applies to casual sexual relationships, one night stands, long-term relationships, and even relationships within the workplace and your extended family and friends network.
So yes, having sex creates Karma.
Having sex can also burn old Karma.
Now, how does that work?
Let’s say in your past life you were with someone and you were a “taker”. You always took more than you gave. You were happy to finish first without putting in the work to help your partner finish. You wanted it more often than your partner did and they felt pressured to please you all the time.
Now in this life, you have come together again with the same soul and finally, you get a chance to pay back everything extra that you took. This time around, you do it differently. This time you serve the other person first. You spend the extra time to pleasure your partner and you do it selflessly without thinking about when it will be your turn. In this way, you pay back and neutralize your old Karma with that person.
How Does Having Sex Create Negative Karma
Any time that there is even a hint of (non-consensual) violence and one-sidedness in sex, it creates a lot of bad Karma.
This obviously applies to rape and pedophilia and also to marital rape and other forms of coercive sex. In these cases the Karma is very heavy.
You can also create light Karma when you use sex to manipulate someone, hurt someone’s feelings, or just have a bad intention about how you use sex.
Is it Karmically or Spiritually Bad To Be Very Sexual?
No, it is not Karmically or spiritually “bad” to be sexual. Some of the most spiritual people I know are very sexual, in the sense that they carry a lot of sexual charm. They have a lot of sex appeal.
To me, sex appeal means that their personality appeals to the innermost primal part of your consciousness. This is very sexual and somehow very pure at the same time because it’s just so intense.
If you look at some of the gods and goddesses in Hindu and Greek mythology, you can’t deny their sex appeal. Take Aphrodite and Apollo for example, or Parvati and Shiva.
Having a lot of sexuality or a little is very individual. For example, some people have a big appetite for food and some people don’t really. It’s similar with sexuality and we shouldn’t judge it.
In spirituality, people often have a belief that being sexual is bad. I don’t believe this anymore.
Having harsh judgements towards ourselves for being sexual can cause a lot of problems physically, emotionally, and psychologically. These problems act as blocks in your life to keep you from moving forward, finding meaningful work and/or your life purpose, and feeling fulfilled in life.
I have personally had intense physical illnesses because I judged myself for being sexual. My self-judgement has also held me back in my work and creativity. I’ll share my personal story below so keep reading.
Is Sex Karmically And Spiritually Pure?
Yes, sex can be spiritually very pure. Like I said above, when you have sex, if you come at it with the attitude of giving rather than taking, then it can be a very pure experience. That’s why it’s called making Love. Can you think of anything purer than Love?
Just think of when you had sex with someone you loved very much, and they loved you back. Don’t discount the physical pleasure and think of the emotional and spiritual feelings you got as well. Wasn’t there purity in that interaction? Wasn’t there vulnerability and innocence in it?
There are great lessons we can learn from saints about the connection of sexuality and spirituality. My favorite saints in this area are:
- Saint Mary of Egypt
- Mary Magdalene
- Saint Kanhopatra
My Personal Story About How Judging My Sexuality Held Me Back
For years, I had judged myself for my sexuality and had tried to push it down. I rejected this part of me completely. This caused some serious health issues in my body.
I developed vulvodynia, which is chronic pain in the vulva, that lasted for months. This is a common but not so often talked about health condition that affects 16% of women in the United States alone. Even though it is very difficult to diagnose because it doesn’t show up in any tests or as an infection, trust me, it’s real. And it’s painful.
I managed to heal myself from the most painful effects vulvodynia and I’m still on a healing journey.
Another area of my life where my judgment of my own sexuality hurt me a lot was in my creativity and in my work. Because I was in complete denial of my own sexuality, my sexual power, and my own sexiness, I suppressed it. When you suppress such a deep and primal part of yourself and deny yourself this power that is so natural to you, you will also end up suppressing your other natural God-given talents.
I was so blocked in my creativity that couldn’t write in this blog for years nor create new videos for my YouTube channel. Since this is my work, I was completely blocked in my career as well.
How Did I Stop Judging My Sexuality? (Personal Story)
Through a long process of self-discovery, I realized that I stopped allowing my sexuality after a breakup years ago. I blocked myself even more and more through misunderstanding many spiritual concepts as I went along my journey.
I’m still working on the spiritual understanding of Karma and sex but I’ll share the story of the breakup with you here.
In my early 20s, I had a short but intense relationship and went through a not-so-dramatic but deeply scarring breakup.
That’s when I started to shut down my sexuality.
Since that time I blamed the guy for “taking advantage of me”. I was convinced that I was innocent and naive. I believed that he saw a young girl who had a huge crush on him and wanted to see how far he could take it.
In reality, I now realize that wanted to “have him” more than he wanted me. When I think about it now, I was attracted to him not because of his power, or his looks, or his money, but because of his innocence and vulnerability.
The sex was amazing and I got just as much out of it as he did, if not more. Now, more than a decade later, I see that we were quite equal in that aspect.
Finally after more than 15 years, I realize that he didn’t take advantage of me more than I did of him.
Here is where the problem started.
It was a relationship that didn’t work out no matter how sexy I was, or how good the sex was. In my young mind, my sexuality just didn’t work to keep us together, so I thought my sexuality is good for nothing. I slowly started to tone it down until eventually, I disowned a big part of myself.
It was only after realizing this and accepting it could I start to own my sexuality again.
Now that I’m starting to own it and learn more about it without judgement or fear, I am starting to see that there is hope. My creativity is returning and my career is becoming more solidified. My health is improving and will continue to improve.
Have you repressed your sexuality in one way or another? The quickest way to know is to check whether your creativity is blocked or not. If you are not flowing and productive and can’t take real steps towards your goals, then you might be denying your sexuality.
Please share your story in the comments below. You will be helping others with the same struggle.
If you are married and have sex relationship with another woman .does it bring a bad Karma? Or is it possible to absorb her karma , whether good or bad to our lives ?
Yes, it does create Karma when you have a relationship outside of marriage. But you can’t absorb her Karma. You are creating your own Karma here, and she her own.
Hi Ritu. I am married for 10 years and my partner is not interested in physical intimacy. But otherwise he is a friendly and responsible person. Hence somehow we choose to stay with each other. Now i have healthy desires and I often satisfy my needs through self help methods. But deep down i crave for physical intimacy. Say in future i get involved with someone physically and perform consentual sex, is it going to create bad karma for myself?
Dear Hope, if your partner is OK with it, and gives you his “blessing” then I don’t see how it can create bad Karma to have a physical encounter with someone else. The first step I recommend is to talk to your partner and express this idea to them. Their reaction will give you a clue. It is natural and right for you to want a physically intimate relationship. There should be no guilt behind this feeling.
Hi Ritu ,in my 20’s I had a sexual relationship with a married man for 3 years . He was much elder than me and constantly said he loved me more than anyone else in the world. I was naive and vulnerable. Though i knew i was doing wrong and asked him to stop our sexual relationship but he never did and i did not stand up for myself. He became obsessed with me and controlled my life. At that point I had to take a step. I told my mother about it and got completely rid of him .
Now , even after years i constantly judge myself , feel depressed and lack confidence. I can’t forgive myself for that sin . And i fail to understand my actions …why did i do that . It causes immense pain , grief and agony for me . How this karma will affect me ? And what should I do to build my life again ? I have lost trust in myself .
Dear Tani, thanks for sharing your story. From what you described it is clear that he took advantage of you. Your power will come back to you when you see this and also acknowledge your own role in the affair. You also enjoyed it in the beginning and you also had a good time for a while before it got abusive. There’s no guilt or shame in the fact that you enjoyed it too for a while. Maybe the guilt is coming from the fact that you let him abuse you towards the end. You feel guilty towards yourself. This video might help you where I share my story about cheaters and karma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTSz1xwR2uo
I and my wife have been happily married for ocer 5 years and we desrly love each other; however, when it comes to our sexual life, its worse. My wife doesn’t like to have sex which definitely has been hurting my health. Would having paid sex with another women impact my karma?
Again, i dearly love my wife but having hardly any sex is definitely impacting my health nagatively
Hi Charlie, will your wife be aware that you’ll have paid sex with another woman? If you’re open to it, you can talk to her about this. You can say, “Sex is natural and very important for someone like me. It’s negatively impacting my physical, mental and emotional health not to have sex. Since you’re not interested in having sex at the moment, how do you feel about me having sex with someone else? It will be no strings attached and you don’t have to worry that I’ll fall in love with her. In fact, it will be “transactional” if you know what I mean. I’ll be 100 safe. I am not saying this to hurt you. I’m saying this because right now, I see no other solution for me.” It will be very brave of you to have this conversation with her. Maybe it will open her heart and body again just to hear this. Maybe she’ll want to have sex again. Or maybe she loves you enough to say, OK, go ahead and fulfil your physical needs. I support you. You might be surprised.
In terms of your Karma, well, if you do it in secret and intend to lie to your wife if she finds out, then yes, there is some Karma for you in this. However, if you’re willing to be open about it beforehand or afterward when you get found it let’s say, the Karma is less.