friendship advice – The Lifester | Karma & Relationships

When I had to "break up" with a friend recently, I was so confused about why it was happening. We used to be best friends! How did it come to the point where we were officially breaking up our friendship? Could it be that our friendship was ending because we had a karmic friendship and we have to now break up because of that? My mind was reeling with so many questions. How can two people who were like sisters go from loving and supporting each other to not being able to stand each other? I mean, we did everything together before. We lived together in University, we cooked together, ate together, went out partying together, studied together, spent holidays with each other's families, traveled together and texted each other every other day when we moved into our own separate apartments. The only answer could be that just like karmic relationships exist, so do karmic friendships and this was one of them. A karmic friendship is a friendship that becomes very intense very quickly, is emotionally charged, where you become a part of each other's families, is filled with ups and downs, often involves other family members on both sides, and sometimes ends without explanation. If you think you are in a karmic friendship with someone, then you're probably right. There are many more signs that will tell you that you have big karma with a friend and I'll list those below. I'll also share the details of my own karmic friendship, the difficult one where it ended up in an actual "friendship breakup". You want to know why you and your best friend are having difficulties now that just don't seem to go away no matter what you do. If you're wondering whether you should just end the friendship or to try to fix your relationship, then this post will help you so read on. Am I in a karmic friendship with someone? Most people aren't even aware that friendships can be karmic just like relationships, so I'm really glad that you are asking yourself this question. As I've said before in my other posts about karma and relationships, in fact, all your relationships are karmic. Every family member, every boss, every friend is connected to you karmically whether it's a loose tie or a complex, intertwined tie. To be absolutely sure, here's a list of 7 signs that will make it clear whether you're in a karmic friendship or not. 7 Signs that you're in a karmic friendship Answer the questions in this list to know how karmic this friendship is: Did you become great friends instantly without any warm-up period? Was it like you knew each other before because of how comfortable you were with each other and how well you "got" each other?Did your friendship become very intense very quickly? In no time at all, were you doing everything together like eating, going out, studying, and texting each other constantly?Was your friendship emotionally charged? Did you open up to each other right away and shared your deepest pains with each other? Was crying with each other was totally normal because you supported each other?Was your friendship filled with ups and downs? Just like relationships, were there periods when you felt like your friend didn't understand you or did something to hurt you and you were deeply affected by it? Even if you didn't have a full-blown fight, did your friend have an effect on your feelings very deeply?Did you become a part of each other's families? Because you were so close to each other and did everything together, was it natural for you to invite each other to family events? Did your family also welcome your friend into their lives and did your friend become like an extended family member?Did other family members of your family get involved with your friend or someone in their family? For example, did your mom and your friend's mom become very close and had their own friendship? Or did your brother or sister also become friends with your friend and they texted each other and hang out?Did your friendship end or change dramatically without explanation? Does it feel like you don't understand each other anymore? Do you feel like you are constantly feeling judged by your friend when you open up and share what's on your mind and what makes you happy or sad? If you answered yes to most of these questions then you can be sure that your friendship is karmic. Should I end my friendship with my best friend? Since you're asking yourself this question, you are probably thinking about one friend in particular who you are very intertwined with. Things have gotten weird between you two and you can't quite figure out how to go back to normal or whether you even want to. First, figure out whether you even want to put in the work needed to fix the friendship and whether it's worth it. Here are a few reasons for choosing to let the relationship end or choosing to fix the relationship: End itFix itYou find that you're being super fake with each other. See my video on fake friends.You can totally be yourselves with each other no matter what has happened before.When you manage to spend time together without fighting, it is icy cold and you don't enjoy it.When you manage to spend time together without fighting, it is warm and feels familiar and comfortable again.When you come home after hanging out together, you feel completely drained and might even have a headache.When you come home after hanging out together, you feel energized.You can't help but judge the other person because you don't believe that the way they do things is right. You still appreciate the good qualities and strengths of the other person.You feel grateful for the times in the past that you spent together as friends but are relieved that you don't have to deal with them so much anymore.No matter what, you feel grateful to have your friend in your life and you know it wouldn't be the same if they weren't in your life. How to fix a karmic relationship with a best friend? Now that you've seen for yourself that you have some reasons to fix your karmic friendship, let's talk about how to go about this uncomfortable task. It is going to be uncomfortable because you probably have said some mean things to each other already and it's difficult to make the first move to making up. I wrote a whole post about how to say sorry to a friend after a fight which is based on a real-life situation. I'll also share my own updated story of how I made up with my ex-best friend. It was clear that my ex-best friend and I had a karmic friendship because we hit it off from the start and became very close, very quickly. After 15 years of friendship, things started to get weird as we moved to different countries and got married. Somehow we didn't understand each other anymore and we stopped respecting each other's life choices. We tried to keep it friendly by texting now and then and meeting up when the other person was in town. But of course, the bitter feelings couldn't be kept down and we ended up having an explosive fight. After the fight, I got a long message from her saying that we need to officially end our friendship as it was hurting us more than helping us. I agreed and didn't speak for over a year after that. Even though we had "broken up" I couldn't stop thinking about her and I really wanted her to be at my wedding. So I mustered up the courage and sent her a short and sweet email asking her whether she'd like to attend the wedding. I used a lot of tips from my post on how to say sorry, so this might help you too. To my surprise, she wrote back within 24 hours and said she would be happy to come. I was so relieved. In the end, she didn't end up coming to my wedding because of health issues, but it brought us back to speaking terms which was a huge relief. I'll be honest, we are no longer best friends. We don't share important things in our lives with each other, and we don't lean on each other for support when we're going through something tough. But at least I know that I can email her and that she'll write back. For now, that's good enough. How to end a karmic relationship with a best friend? If I could give you any advice, I'd say don't break up your friendship the way I did in my story above. Don't wait until you have an explosive fight and say really mean things to each other. First, be very sure that you want to officially break up your friendship. Use the table above to decide this. If you're absolutely sure, then you can follow the advice in this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3DeviVQbq4 Try to do is softly at first. Spend less and less time with each other. Eventually, the less you can see each other, the better for you since you secretly don't like each other anymore. It's better to be real with yourself and your friend rather than being fake. In summary, when a friendship is karmic, it starts with an instant spark and the closeness can end just as quickly. When the karma between the two of you is over, it's over. There's no reason for you to be in each other's lives anymore. With karmic friendships, you came into each other's lives because you had some unresolved karma to work out with each other. You've definitely been connected in a past life - maybe you were siblings, relatives, or even a couple. You owed each other something or you had to learn something from each other. Once that karmic debt is paid, you have a clean slate with each other and you can let the relationship go. Cover image credit: Flickr Creative Commons