You have to deal with a friend you don’t like anymore. Don’t worry, it happens to most people. It’s natural that as you grow and evolve, you will drift apart from some friends and make new friends who are different.
Does this sound familiar? You have someone in your life who used to be a good friend but then something happened, something is off now and it doesn’t feel the same. It could simply be because the karma between they two of you is over.
But you are trying to still hang out and are polite with each other. Well, here is why you shouldn’t pretend to like each other when deep inside, you both know that you don’t like each other.
Don’t waste any more time on this “friendship”! Want to know why?
Here are 3 ways to deal with a friend you don’t like anymore
You are both feeling awkward towards each other so it’s better not to pretend.
Look, there is a good chance that your friend is feeling awkward about this too, just as much as you. Even though you both are pretending you want to meet up and catch up, you both are really not up for it. If you are feeling it, she is too. So save both of yourselves the awkwardness.
Your friend might be bad-mouthing you behind your back.
She is probably saying bad things about you to other people behind your back. Why would you want to hang out with someone like that? You are probably also being fake by being all smiley and cordial and polite. Stop it. Being fake is not a good thing. It’s not a good look. Don’t do it.
Trust your gut feeling about your friend.
If you are feeling weird, just don’t go ahead with your plans to meet up with a friend you don’t like anymore. LISTEN to that FEELING in your GUT that is like, “Eew, I really don’t want to see her but I feel like I have to.”
NO. you don’t have to do anything.
Tell her that you can’t see her. Make up an excuse if you have to. She will understand, and you both will be better for it.
Want to know How To BreakUp With A Friend? Watch the video on this post.
Now a question for you: Do you have a friend who you’re not totally sure if you want to see again but because of politeness you kind of are going along with it? If yes, then put it in the comment below why you feel you have to see her.
Once you write it out, it will help you to decide actually whether you want or need to see her or not.
I feel like we are growing apart but she is very emotional so I don’t know how to tell her I don’t like her
If you are growing apart, then let the distance grow even more. stop hanging out as much and eventually, you will be in each other’s lives even less . maybe you won’t even have to tell her that you don’t like her anymore and she’ll just get the message.
Previously it was a good friendship of three,later I realized she is not good for me coz she is not clear at heart and she is not a reliable person or truthful person.she lies in small matters and emotionally hurts.
Now I couldn’t not sometimes igonre her coz we as a family became friends and when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries of our kids or other family members,I feel how will it be when it will be totally broken and we will not be in talking terms .that’s why even I want to break it ..sometimes I feel how will I face when later she comes in front of me .I feel that will hurt more if we could not even face each other with smile later or may be we will stop calling them on occasion and they will also stop .
Please guide
You have to take the first step and stop calling her. If she keeps calling then politely answer but hang up quickly. If you meet at family gatherings, leave the conversation as quickly as possible and do your own thing.
Last year, I had this friend at work that I felt so much connection with. It’s like if someone “sees” me, I tend to like that person a lot. She was like that. We then viber each other, share inspiring thoughts, and then after several meetings I was feeling so much more connection and I don’t know why but I felt scared somewhere while I learned more about her. Maybe one reason is that I felt insecure around her. She’s intelligent and she’s got high position at work while I’m just a simple staff. But I told myself they don’t matter to me because she’s still a human being like me inspite all of her achievements. Then I though if she only just made me feel that I matter to her….After about a year of friendship, I asked her again and again we see each other but she was always busy. She also once said that she missed me which I felt guilty about because I was the one missing her and I regretted not telling her first. And I thought why would she say she missed me but wouldn’t hang out with me? Ang then came my christmas, new year and my birthday. She surprised me with gifts in all those occasions but I still felt something is missing because she still wouldn’t ask me out. One last time, I asked her to hang again but still failed. Then came Covid19, I don’t know if we can ever see each other again. So I unfollowed her social media account. I felt like I was rejected. And I don’t like that feeling. What can you say to me Ritu? Am I right in my decision to just disconnect from this person I thought my friend so that I would just stay at peace again? Do you get what I’m talking about?? I just want to get this out, I think.. Hope to hear from you. Maybe others are experiencing the same…?? xoxo
Dear Jen, thanks SO much for sharing this. I’m the same as you. if someone “sees” me, I immediately fall for that person and want to be close, as friends or more than friends. This happened to me with girls and guys and the biggest one was with someone in my dorm back in University, like 10 years ago. Anyway, I think you might be missing an opportunity by disconnecting from this person. It could be that her feelings are mixed and there’s a push and pull happening in her mind. Or she is genuinely a super busy – but that’s not an excuse actually. She can always make room in her life for you. If it bothers you and if you feel like she is secretly disrespecting you, then 100% drop her from your life. But if you want to give her benefit of the doubt, then try at least 2-3 more times to make plans. Try spontaneously to make plans together. If after 3 more tries it doesn’t work, then the message is clear.
Oh yes just the same. It’s driving me mad
I have very few friends and I am increasingly dreading the time that I spend with one of them. I don’t want to talk to them or to meet up with them and doing so always feels like a chore. I wish I could just drift apart from them peacefully but I don’t know how. They haven’t done anything bad to me, but I find that they really aren’t the type of person I should be around. I have a history of pushing people away, and she knows that and is always trying to be as present as possible. I hate lying to people and I never have a good excuse to not meet up with her. I don’t want to hurt the feelings of someone who has been so good to me, but this friendship adds a certain falsity and stress to my life that I really don’t need right now. I don’t want them completely gone, I just wish we could go back to being aquaintences.
I have a friend at school but this friend of mine doesnt really like me because she talks bad about me behind my back but to my face she pretends to love and care for me. We are always together because we do the school work together and we are in the same group, so almost everytime we are together, even after school we walk together. I really have no way of how to distance myself from her but i really need to…
I’ve had a group of friends who I’ve known since the start of highschool. I used to get along with them well before, but ever since I turned older, and life got more real, I feel like they’re not really my friends anymore. It’s as if I’ve moved on from them when they’re still acting like we did when we were 13. Not that it’s all them, I’m really bad at sharing stuff with them about what’s been going on with me, but even then I feel like I can’t share it with them because they come across as what I feel far more childish than me. I’ve been kind of an introvert for my past few years though, and life hasn’t always been easy. I’ve made some friends online during my time in high school too, and those few selected people I still talk to feel more like friends than of my friends group. I’m not sure if I should be breaking up with that group entirely since it’s the only irl contact I’d have besides my sister (whom I share a lot with). I could always wait for next year when I’ll be attending uni and see how that turns out, but I’m not sure how to act to them in the meantime, and maybe I’m just too used to online contact that the other friends that I could make, would make me feel the same way.
I know this message is all over the place, but once I started typing it was like my mind started questioning so many things.
-Daniel (21)
Hi Daniel, don’t give up on them just yet and don’t officially break up. You can see them less. That’s a nice way to let the relationship fade out. And you’ll definitely make friends in Uni.
hi, there is this girl who is in my group and none of us like her but she likes us. We feel really bad if we try to catch up without her and we don’t know how to make a dynamic where we can be friendly at school but normalize catching up without her. Any ideas? Thanks
As harsh as it is, you are allowed to feel this way. Just don’t invite her to your get-togethers. She has to learn rejection too.
My problem is I have this friend and we see each other in school everyday. We talk to each other about stuff, homework etc. But I personally don’t like talking to her, you see I’m a kind of person(I know I sound really mean) who likes people who are good looking even when it comes to friendships. It’s not that I don’t value inner beauty, I do but only with some specific people, not everyone. She has a beautiful heart but a not-so-good looking face. Other than that problem, she thinks she knows me well and she has several future plans, she thinks mine are the same as her but I don’t have any future plans, atleast not for now. She has dreams and thinks mine are the same but the truth is, they aren’t. They are completely different. She is good by nature and as I said, she has a beautiful heart, she supports me in everything etc. But I don’t seem to have that connection with her that I have with my best friend and had with other old friends. If I go and say to her that I don’t really like her and don’t want be friends with her, she’ll definitely ask me why and I won’t have an answer. I can’t say to her “I don’t like you because of your face and we don’t have the connection I have with other friends.” She’ll be heartbroken if I say this to her. I want to stop my friendship but in a way that won’t break her heart and won’t make me feel guilty about anything. And I can’t find a way to do so. I hope you’ll help me.
You can say “I don’t like how you made me feel” instead of straight up “I don’t like you.” This is hard to defend against because you have the right to feel how you feel.
Yes I do out of politeness and she and cos I feel like I have to see her socially but else I don’t wish to see her . Any comments on how to decline ?
Yes I do out of politeness but Else I really don’t wish to see her .. I also see her socially but otherwise have no intentions of meeting her but she asks any suggestions on how to decline or any comments for the same ?
Make other plans immediately when she wants to meet you. Then you don’t have to lie when you tell her you have other plans!
My friend is going through a divorce, so I feel obligated to stay in contact with her, check in on her, and visit her. She’s a nice and good person, but I don’t like her. She is very dependent and weak; whereas, I am the very opposite. She is also oblivious to anyone’s personal time. I don’t want to say she’s disrespectful of people’s time because I doubt she even thinks about it. She’s always late by 30 minutes to several hours and takes 5 to 10 minutes to get out of the car after arriving someplace because she has to get her stuff and herself ready. This happens even when she’s the passenger. She acts like a leaf in the wind, being blown and by her soon-to-be ex-husband. She has no backbone, and I hate that about her.
Hi Melissa, I feel you because I also have a similar friend. There are people who you want to like but because of their character or certain choices that they’re making you just can’t respect them anymore. Once you learn some thing about them that makes you not respect them anymore, you can’t really go back unless they make a big change in themselves. I understand that you feel sorry for her, but continuing to be her friend and being there for her in a fake way, you’re not really helping her at all. You’re actually perpetuating her helplessness and her dependency. Whereas if you were true and honest with yourself and with her, can you cut her off for example or stop giving her so much support, she will be forced to learn to stand on her feet. If you keep tolerating her lateness then she’ll just continue being late. But if you don’t tolerate it anymore she’ll realize she hast to make a change or she’ll lose people in her life like her ex and her friend , you. So by being fake and not respecting your instincts to stop supporting her even though she is going through a divorce, you’re actually helping her in the long run to be strong and to become a respectable person.
I have a very similar friend who is going through a divorce and feel this way too! I kept making myself feel awful for these feelings. Helpful to hear someone else have a similar reaction.
Hi Amanda, as I mentioned in the other comment, by being honest and “harsh”, you are actually helping your friend get stronger. So don’t force yourself to be nice if it just doesn’t feel right. Avoid the friend. Keep a distance. Let yourself be authentic.
I’ve realized over the past year or so that I don’t really like one of my best friends from high school (I’m in 2nd year of university now). She has a mean-side and lacks self-awareness, and can be manipulative. I’ve been trying to wane off the friendship for about a year, but every time we drift she gets upset with me that we are drifting. Also, whenever I say that I can’t hang out she requires an in-depth justification and tries to convince me to change my mind. She wants me to commit more to the friendship but I don’t want to. At this point, I feel like it would be best to stage a friendship breakup, but I’m worried that I will lose another friend along with her if I do. I care a lot about her, especially because I know she struggles with family issues and mental health. She doesn’t have a lot of stable friends in her life, so I would worry that me leaving her would be really hard for her. But at the same time, every time she wants to hang out, I dread it. I know I would miss her if we broke up (and miss my other friend who would likely take her side) but the friendship causes me more stress than joy now. I know that the breakup would be a little explosive (especially because she can be emotionally manipulative) and drifting apart doesn’t seem like an option. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this situation?
Hi Morgan, First try drifting apart. Every time she wants to hang out, make other plans and then tell her you have other plans. One thing I have to stress is that her mental problems and her business. It is not your responsibility to take care of her because she has family and/or mental health issues. That’s her journey and you have already done enough. You can let go of this burden that you took on for her. If you have to break up with her consciously, then try this. Tell her exactly why you are doing it, just use facts that she can’t deny. Even if she says sorry and wants to start a conversation again, just don’t reply. If you other friend takes her side, then she doesn’t really get you anyway and you won’t miss her too much. Plus now there will be space in your life to attract more positive friends.
We’re a group of five and we’re almost family but i just can’t get along with one person no matter how much i try…and now i just can’t pretend anymore but i just can’tt lose my bestt friendss
This is a great post and great topic, thank you. How about a friend who you’ve known forever and you wouldn’t mind staying in touch with (text/phone) but anything more than that is a chore? I’ve tried telling her I’m busy and I’ll let her know when I’m up for getting together but she’s not taking the hint. I don’t want to get together with her, she’s a huge bragger, is competitive with me, we really have very different values, and I don’t enjoy her company. I also harbor some resentment towards her for how she wasn’t supportive when I was having serious relationship issues with my boyfriend. I’m not ready to 100% cut her out of my life (just because of our long history) but she’s not taking the hint about not wanting to hang out. What can I say to avoid getting together with her but still stay lightly in touch?
Hi Elyse, this is a sort of honest way to deal with this. Every time she asks to meet, immediately make other plans on your own. Then reply to her and say you already have plans. This way you avoid seeing her and can still keep in touch. In my experience, if you want to preserve your long history, even if you don’t reply to her for a few months, it should still be ok when you start talking again after a few month’s break. If not, they she really isn’t that understanding towards you in the first place.
My husband and I currently live abroad away from our families and friends. I had one friend but I’d rather have zero friends than to continue being fake to her and let her negativity rub off on me. So I’m currently stuck in the process of distancing from her. I met her through my husband’s friend, whom he’s close with. At first, we were close. But after awhile I started to notice how every time I finish hanging out with her, I feel exhausted because all she ever talks about her problems. She’s always fighting with her husband. She always has some personal issues going on. At first I was cool with it coz as a friend, you’re supposed to just listen. Although she has redeeming qualities, I think she is toxic for me. I started to notice that her negative energy would rub off on me and this affected my marriage and my outlook in life. My husband even got annoyed at me because every time I hung out with her, I would always complain to him about her. He said to try steering the conversations my way but it just always turns out the same. So I decided to distance myself from her. I even tried to rekindle that friendship by hanging out with her again after taking a short break from her, but I still felt negative.
My current issue is I don’t wanna let my issues with her affect his friendship with her husband. It would’ve been easier if they’re weren’t over every weekend. They currently have been sleeping in our home every weekend, due to a scheduled weekly power outage in our area. My husband knows how I feel and is cool with me pretending I’m sick whenever they’re over but the next day, these people don’t know when they have extended their stay. My husband is also too afraid to kick them out nicely because the husband is the only friend he currently has right now. One time, they sleptover for 3 nights. I was livid at them and my husband. We didn’t even celebrate Valentines as a couple. That couple didn’t celebrate either. I found out that that weekend they were fighting and I guess they didn’t wanna go home and be alone together and instead, overstayed with us.
She even ranted to my husband that I had not been replying to her. She didn’t even acknowledge me when I had walked in our own home after I spent the whole day by myself just so my husband can have his time with his friends. That made me hate her even more.
My mom said I should just ignore it, still be nice, and just do my own thing. But right now, I don’t think I’m strong enough to control my anger around them. I feel like I might say something bad. I honestly don’t think I can face them and entertain them in our home for my husband’s sake. I’m running out of my weekly “I’m sick” excuses… I don’t know what to do.
Hi Ina, start telling them that you have plans and you can’t host them every time. If it doesn’t feel right to lie, then actually make plans with your husband and leave the house. Do this 2-3 times and then just start telling them that they can’t stay overnight. It’s your house. Ask yourself and your husband… would they host you at their house this much if you needed it? Probably not. You’ve been nice enough – now it’s time to draw your BOUNDARIES. This is very important for you and your mental and emotional and spiritual health. Draw your boundaries and protect it. Protect your house from their energy. It’s no good for you and your marriage to have them around so much.
Hello,
My name is Sara.
Thanks for writing this article. I have a friend who I used to visit all the time at her place of work. Over time, I’ve visited here less and less for personal reasons. One day I decided to see if it was worth investing in the friendship by inviting her and her partner over to my place. She told me that it was too far from her house and that shed need A ride to my home since they owned a moped and not a car, making it hard to drive around. I felt disappointed when she said it was too far, since it seemed like she was complaining. She asked me for a ride and it made me feel like she wasn’t happy I had just found a new place and I felt like she wasn’t making an effort. I’m actually not too happy about her friendship because it feels like I have to take care of her in a way instead of feeling like she’s there for me too. I basically second guess myself and feel bad letting the friendship go because she works in an area I like and I pass by to say hello and be nice since they’re a happy person and she’s kind but I just don’t want to hang out anymore the way we would back then
Hi Sara, I have the exact same situation so I can tell you what I did. Your friend is using you. I also had a work friend to who I was giving and giving to but she never gave back to me. She messaged me every day to complain about her current job and never once asked me how I was doing, meanwhile she knew that I was having health issues. She never bothered to ask about me. The thing is I was so ADDICTED to receiving her messages every day and chatting with her every day, I put up with it. Eventually, another friend of mine told me what was going on. She was clearly using me. It was a one-sided friendship. When she finally stopped texting, I just didn’t bother to reach out and re-establish the connection. QUESTION FOR YOU: Are you keeping your friendship alive because you’re addicted to the communication? If yes, then do your best to slowly stop talking to her. If she doesn’t make the effort to come to you now, she never will.
They are my roommate and a close friend from college but I don’t like them anymore. She is, as if Karma is upon me, the only one who still texts me even if I don’t. We just cannot drift apart even though I tried. We are in different cities but I’m worried she will come to my city too, as she wants to. I just don’t know how to communicate how I feel while on the surface we’re good.
Hi Kitty, it’s not easy but just stop the communication. Don’t reply to her messages. You can pretend you simply forgot or thought you replied but didn’t actually. That’s the best way to cut her out and stop her from following you.
Hello Ritu,
My name is Marie,
I’m having a situation with my “friends”who are also my next door neighbors. I can’t open my door without seeing them. The issue is this, they are constantly doing gatherings at their place and is kind of mandatory to go their place every time they say and this can be every single day of the weekend from Friday to Sunday or a holiday weekend. If you don’t go you get a passive aggressive attitude. Also they keep unwelcoming to their house mutual friends that don’t do exactly what they want. I strongly disagree with the reasons for “banning” some of our friends and I did furiously blurted out that what they did was wrong (my bad) I did apologize for my blurting out but it doesn’t feel right to me what they are doing to our other friends. I don’t terminate the friendship right away because they go out of their way to do you favors and I constantly feel that I owe them. I just don’t know how to deal with this but I’m doing the worst which is “venting out” aka trash talking them with the banned. I know that’s awful but I just don’t know how to do this anymore. The last one and the kicker is that my husband is their super friend even if he agrees with me at home that what they are doing to our other friends is very wrong. I know I may be the horrible one for blurting out, trash talking and don’t appreciate what they have done for us but I just feel manipulated and definitely not happy with this friendship. Thank you in advance for your advice.
Hi Marie, I would do the same if I was you… It’s so hard not to talk bad about people who piss you off or you feel wronged by. However, I must say, that the more you talk about them, the more empowered they get – even though it’s happening secretly and kind of subconsciously. The best way to stop their behaviour would be to stop acknowledging them. Think of it like this: You have 2 options. #1. Confront them and get into an ugly situation, especially because your husband is so close to them. #2. Just stop acknowledging what they are doing and don’t give them more power. Accept that they are doing this and there must be a reason for it. I know you want to protect the friends who are getting “banned” but maybe they also need the break from such a high pressure situation. You could also try option #3. Host a BBQ or some kind of gathering and invite the banned people. See how it feels. Then you’re doing something nice for them too.